Its Iraq

A posting in Iraq is like...no other.  Nothing seems to follow the standard rules of practice. 

So, what's it like to work in Iraq?  It is difficult and full of contradictions.  I cannot speak to working in Baghdad, but I can say most people really don't want to go there.  I know only what it is like to work out in the consulates, in the northern part of the country. Out here you have conflict upon conflict - diplomacy vs security, left over Dept of Defense vs Dept of State, contractors vs direct hires, etc.  There are lots of demands by Baghdad and DC, but no people or resources to accomplish their demands, but even those are often put aside in favor of more pressing immediate needs and demands of the people living and working here. We have more than one compound, there are competing demands and definitely a difference in living conditions and acceptable circumstances at each.

As I have said time and again...what makes all the difference is the friends you make and the people you meet.  I'd rather be in a bad place with people I trust and like, than to be in a palace with those I cannot trust and do not like.  I am lucky enough to have a few that I trust very much, but there are just as many that I do not trust.

This kind of environment brings out the very worst in people.  It is an extreme situation that exposes many of our flaws.  If there is little in the way of resources are you going to share generously or will you become a selfish hoarder?  When chaos reigns will you work well with others so that everyone can meet their goals, or will you demand that you take precedence?

I once told a superior that doing my job is easy, it's navigating the personalities that is so difficult.  She agreed.  In our arena of Iraq there are a few leaders among us, but the hierarchy is so poorly defined, resources are sparse and too many people think they are in charge.

There is a clash of cultures between those who want to remove ALL possible danger, those who know they must work with the uncertainty and get out into places that can be dangerous; some literally think there are villians lurking just outside the gate while others move about outside our gates like they were in Philadelphia.  Contractors complain that they have to dry CHUs (housing with no bathrooms) while we have wet CHUs (two rooms share a bathroom), but they make a heck of a lot more money that we do and I can guarantee they would not do my job for my pay in this country. 

Then there is the problem of using "contractors" as our main security supplement.  Direct Hire DOS oversee contractors.  Iraq says we have too many Americans and wants us to bring the numbers down, Baghdad agrees.  So who are we going to replace them with?  Iraqis?  Certainly there are Iraqis who are honorable, but what of those who can be bought or blackmailed?

So what is working in Iraq like?  It is stressful.  It can make you angry and frustrated.  It can leave you not knowing who to trust, who is telling the truth or how things are really supposed to happen.  And though we do get some "down" time, you are never really off the clock.  You are available 24 hours a week for days on end.

Oh, and everything is covered in a not so thin layer of dirt...that has just now turned to mud because they rainy season has arrived.

Sept 11 Libya

Tragic events in Libya resulting in the death of our U.S. Ambassador Chris Stevens, Glen Doherty, Sean Smith, and Tyrone Woods.

They certainly were brave men among men for doing what diplomats do - stepping into the breach.  A breach is by definition a rift, a rupture, a schism, a break...it is the antithesis of continuity, connection, or unity.  A breach, by its very nature, is chaotic, uncertain, not harmonious and therefore is risky, perilous, even dangerous.

Much is made of the valor of soldiers who, with arms, stand in battle alongside their brethren in defense of others, or aggressively bring the battle to the enemy.  But I wonder if any see the raw courage of those who enter perilous situations without armor or weapons, without the cavalry to protect them in order to extend a hand to strangers (who may or may not receive them) in order to build genuine relationships based on trust and mutual respect.

Ambassador Stevens and many faceless others have worked with like minded people in Libya to help strengthen them, to encourage them and teach them anything we know that can help them overcome their own countrymen who would rather take this fragile nation down the road of radical Islam, anarchy and align with less favorable partners.  We learned on the original 9/11 that a few people from a small country with few resources and little education can hurt us dramatically.  Who ever thought the Taliban in Afghanistan harboring a small group of Al Qaeda devotees would be so relevant to their own lives? 

Our own national security is dependent upon our diplomats who find ways to weave together alliances and bring stability to strife-torn regions in ways that all our military hardware and personnel cannot do.  Our diplomatic community accomplishes great things because they are willing to do what few others are - step into the breach.

Much has been said about the lack of security for the Ambassador and the people working for us.  I'm sure much more will be said. But I wish more people understood that we accept higher risks to perform our duties out in the field every day than most people do in their own lives.  We do it because we believe we can make a difference, for love of country and for the love of mankind.  We know we cannot make the world a place of utopia, but we're willing to affect change where we have the opportunity. America should be proud of their diplomatic corp.

I'm sorry to say that most Americans have no clue what their diplomatic corp does for them.  I am doubtful they appreciate us, or hold us in esteem even remotely similar to military forces.  But I know that they were heroes, just like many others who work everyday in difficult, even dangerous circumstances that you will never know.

Riding Gators

Occasionally the night is cool and calm, and we take advantage by sitting outside and chatting away the time.  On one such night not too long ago I and several of the ladies did just that.  It was almost midnight when one of them asked me if I want to take the gator for a ride..."uh, what is a gator?"  She said it's lots of fun, you wanna drive it?  Apparently she had been driving this little gem around, instead of a real vehicle.

Here is picture of what a brand new one looks like.  But ours was anything but "new."  This one was covered in dirt, ripped seats...and does NOT have working headlights.  This is important because our compound does not have lights either.

It was only after we were off on our midnight adventure that I realized she was quite tipsy, which only added to the giggle factor.  Our compound is also very much under construction and every single day new trenches are opened up, so as we went at a top speed of 12 miles an hour through the dark she would occasionally yell, "is that a trench!?!" to which I would answer "Nah! that's just a ditch!"  Which we would promptly drive right through.

It doesn't take long to hit a wall (a barrier between us and the "outside" world) so we had to change directions several times.  Only after I was sure she was securely holding on, did I swing the wheel and slide us sideways in the loose gravel to make a 180...yes, we caused quite a stir on the compound so late at night, giggling, laughing and flying by men with guns....who wondered who in the *&#@ was making all the racket (we did wave as we went by, and some of them waved back!).

It was over too soon, but an enjoyable little jaunt all the same.  The next day they put in generator powered street lights...seems someone fell into a trench and got hurt, lol.  Wasn't us!

Killing a Little Time

Well, the move is complete and we are trying to settle into our new surroundings.  Pretty much everything is different, not better or worse, just different.  Making the adjustment to how everything functions differently in trying to do your job can be frustrating.  I know I have been utterly frustrated and at times overwhelmed at the massive amount of learning I must do to simply accomplish the simplest tasks...but I see that as a pattern in my job.

I have gotten quite comfortable in my CHU with a nice large rug, several of my things from home and reminders of friends and loved ones.  Today has been a day of refusing to go to the office, and simply puttering around, doing laundry and watching TV.

It can be very monotonous when you live and work with the same dozen people...you find your conversation options are kind of narrow.  I've found myself making up stuff when someone asks me what I have done or will do.  I tell them I mowed the yard today, took the dog for a walk and went to the ice cream store; or that I'm off to shop at Target or Walgreen's.  We've all talked about naming things and streets here in this barren construction zone.  I have called our street Pineview Terrace, because there aren't any pines, not much of a view and certainly no terraces, LOL.

You might think I'd be bored, but I'm not.  You'd be surprised how much time a woman can kill pampering her feet and hands, moisturizing hair and skin.  I'm just thankful for having a few hours when it doesn't feel like the world is going to come to an end if you don't do this one more thing.  Hurray for killing time!

Kirkooky's (re)Unite!

Yes, we are called Kir-Kooky's by our colleagues in Baghdad because those who work here truly believe their work has a direct impact on the ability of the different competing groups to come together in a common bond...yeah, not so much the opinion of those at the Embassy in Downtown Baghdad.  They think they work in the primary seat of power.  I really don't know who's work is most impactful, but I do appreciate the dedication to the cause of my Kirkuk colleagues.  They have earned my respect and I'm proud to be here with them.

There are less than 20 of us, only 3 of us are women.  Every single person adds something unique to the group dynamic and when one or two are absent there is a gap, having one half of our group away from us for a week seemed like such a long time.  So, yes, we (mostly the ladies who are more social) anxiously awaited the arrival of the rest of our team

They were traveling by convoy which can be dangerous.  Because we don't really have the most secure communications we don't talk on the phone and say "we will be at xyz at exactly 4 o'clock."  Due to many issues we did not even know if they would be coming today, tomorrow or the next.  Their trip was delayed several times then finally one afternoon we get word "they're on their way!" 

"Well, what time do you think they'll get here?"
"Could be 7 p.m., could be 8:30 p.m.  Not sure."
"DFAC closes at 8:00, if they don't get here soon they're not going to get any dinner."

So several of us sit around holding our phones (that only work when you are outside of a bldg or right next to a window) and we wait.  We might have to go to the chow hall and get a bunch of to go trays full of anything.  They will need someone to get them to their CHU.  We wait.  And we keep waiting.

Finally I heard third hand that the guys were at the billeting office, getting their CHU keys.  Since we are all sharing vehicles my friend and I hop in and race to the billeting office.  We pick up another on the way. 

When we pulled up several of them were standing around wearing their combat vests, carrying guns, all kinds of gear, hot, dirty and hungry...but I saw the grins they tried to hide behind tough-guy coolness - they missed us, too.

The Kirkooky's are all together again.

Moving Again

Kirkuk is on the border of the semi-autonomous region of Kurdistan, which is very pro American.  Safety is a concern ALL over Iraq, but not so much an issue in the Kurdish controlled areas.  However, Kirkuk is where the Kurds, Arabs and Turks all come together - and there is lots of petroleum reserves yet to be developed.  So while it is safer than Basra in the south, it is not without risks.  One such risk is IDF (indirect fire). 

Anyone wanting to harass and harm Americans can simply shoot his rocket up over the base and hope it lands somewhere to make great damage.  We have systems in place to detect "incoming" fire and sound the alarm.  You hear a mechanical voice screaming "incoming, incoming!"  Baaahnnkkk, baaahnnkkk, baaahnnkkk!"  Then you grab your protective vest and helmet, dive into the nearest bunker and hope you're not hit.  Kirkuk's system gives more warning than most other posts in Iraq...you get all of 20 seconds before impact.  LOL, I know it is nothing to laugh at, but most of the time the devices cause very little damage or don't even explode.  I, of course, have never been hit and have never lost friends due to such an attack.  But I am of the mind that you do have to be able to shrug it off or else you will constantly live in fear...and I simply cannot live that way.

Before I arrived the base was taking about 1-3 IDF per week, and for quite some time after I arrived it did not happen.  Once it happened at 2 in the afternoon on my day off and I was in my CHU napping with the air conditioning and TV on, and the generator running (constantly) just outside my door...I never even heard it.  I have met a guy who went to the gym early in the morning and came back to find that the IDF had landed in his bed...He's happy he likes to work out early in the day.

The base, our compound was maintained by the military, but they have since gone.  It is too large for us alone to manage and maintain so we need to find a new home.  For the time being our Consulate Kirkuk will physically be located in the city of Erbil, about 60 miles north.  Yep, we're moving - again!

Several of us were sent ahead by a few days to begin receiving and setting up offices.  We flew via helo from Kirkuk to Erbil.  The "new" compound is a construction zone, but it does not take any IDF.

Several of us said this was the most bored we have ever been...locked inside a small acreage with nothing but a DFAC, offices and CHUs.  The CHUs themselves are larger and nicer than we had before.

Honestly, we are anxiously awaiting the arrival of the rest of our group, who seem to be delayed daily by some glitch, some security issue...and our old compound and Kirkuk in general is experiencing a much higher rate of attacks.  We worry for their safety though most of them are the ones who protect us.  We will all breath easier when the move is completed.

Parking Ticket

On the compound where we live there are lots of vehicles but they all have stickers on the windows, placards on the dash and tags that mark them as legitimate.  But someone left a vehicle sitting in an unusual area for too long.  Security tried to find out who it belonged to, but to no avail.  Because of the concern over improvised and booby trapped explosive devices it is not wise to simply open and rummage through any "unknown" vehicle.

So when the owner of this vehicle could not be identified security did NOT write a parking ticket - they BLEW it UP!!!!

After it had been destroyed, paperwork was found that indicated it belonged to...base security!

Not Literature

…Writing on the blog doesn't always have to be literature, you know…

Well, I do like to fully “explore” any topic that I write on, but I’ve got so many great ones right now.  Those words spoken by a friend who enjoys my blog have spurred me to go ahead and post the following, a more comprehensive version of a quickie email sent to a colleague:

The work is steady, but not overwhelming.  Tons of time spent doing things like escorting visitors from the gate and back again.  The multitude of steps you must take and boxes you must check to clear each level (of security) is time consuming.  Patience is a good thing, and I have found my smile opens lots of doors and engenders cooperation (I’m sure it doesn’t hurt that I’m a girl!). 

Currently we are on a fairly large parcel of land with tons of unused space so you find things to do to entertain yourself.  One guy is going to show me something they call Stonehenge tomorrow.  Sounds intriguing.

I have been down to the marsh a few times to feed the Jackals.  (yep, sounds silly, I know, but you know me –adventure is everywhere)  There’s a little pack/pride?? with cubs? But only one of them is brave enough to come out and eat while we are there.  It is getting really hot so the water is drying up, though for now it is still a good sized little pond.  The 8 foot tall reeds around the water are beginning to dry out so the wind rustles them and it sounds very peaceful and quiet out there.  Local Iraqi men here are catching the fish and moving them to another body of water that is bigger so they will survive the heat.

There are several archaeological sites on our property; one is an old Turkmen cemetery, another is a mass grave (children who died before the age of six were not buried in a cemetery) discovered when we began a construction project.

For the 4^th of July we held a major event at the Kirkuk Government Building for our Iraqi contacts and guests.  We actually had our 4^th of July celebration in the Council’s Chamber!!!  It was pretty awesome to get out of the gates and see the city.  There is poverty, there is new construction…the look of the people, it all tells you something about this place.

Was kinda cool to be transported and protected by my own bodyguards.  I love my SPS guys-they are so serious! 

We have a little “camp” of CHUs lined up in a grid, but far enough apart that we park our cars in between.  CHUS are two to a bldg with a bathroom each.  Everything in our camp is powered by our own generator.  I was standing outside one night around 9 o’clock looking at the stars when suddenly it got VERY quiet.  The generator quit and EVERYTHING went dead.  I can’t help it I laughed and said, “who forgot to order the gas truck?”  Everyone came out of their CHUs and we waited around while the MGT officer went to find someone to fix it.  Seems it just needed restarting.

Our camp is just Dept of State people and we have one big trailer room full of sofas, TV, Kitchen, library and such – all left over by the massive military presence that has since departed country.  It is our communal space.  The only place to eat is the DFAC (dining facility) and it gets boring going there for 3 meals a day, but you can buy meats at the PX.  Since there is a large group of men, they love to grill so there are lots of evenings that we just eat meat, LOL.  Brats for appetizer, hamburgers for the next course and ribs or steak as a follow up!  In their defense fruits and veggies are very hard to come by on the compound and none of us get outside the gates except for work mtgs.  But we sit on picnic tables, the swing and sit under the midnight sky and chat.

But the adventure continues.  We are moving to “new” compound put together using older CHUs.  But since it is like “new” construction there’s not all the goodies left behind by others like rugs, picnic tables, chair, grilles (some of these were made by the troops including a grille with their logo!) and shade netting.  We are scavenging everything we can find to take with us.  Stayed tuned there’s lots more to come.

Travel to Kirkuk

Travel from the Embassy in Baghdad to Kirkuk was an ordeal.  First you meet the shuttle van that takes you to the Helo Pad (helicopter).  We flew on a larger helicopter from the Embassy to Baghdad airport where we boarded a regular airplane for the flight to Erbil.

After arriving at the Erbil airport we then took Huey helicopters into Kirkuk...okay, now I want to be a helicopter pilot!  LOVED the Huey, ...flying in sideways with the doors wide open.  That was a bit exhilarating!

Long travel day that started at 5 a.m and ended about 6 in the evening...glad to finally be here.

Arrived Baghdad

I finally have arrived in the country of my next posting - Iraq.  Though I am actually posted to Kirkuk I must spend a few days "checking in" at Embassy Baghdad, so HR knows I'm really here.

I know that everyone will think I'm crazy but it feels good to be back in the Middle East.  It is extremely hot and everything is covered in a thick layer of dust; even the sky is filled with a sandy cloud.  At night the temp is in the high 90's (F) but my uneducated guess is that there is less than 20 percent humidity which makes sitting outside very nice.  My body is rather enjoying the solid warmth after the bone chilling dampness and always cool weather of Brussels...but then again, I think we humans just adapt.

The Embassy compound is very much like a college campus with office buildings, dining facility, dormitory style lodging, some small convenience type stores and some recreation spaces.  The recreation options are pretty nice with weight rooms, exercise classes and swimming available.  The only difference between this and a college campus is you won't be stepping outside the gates without a very good reason and a whole team of security personnel, carrying guns.  Those who have been here a while liken it to being in a nice prison.  I can imagine you would go a bit stir crazy with the same stuff day in, day out.  I suppose that is why they work at least 6 days a week and long hours.

I have met several people that I've worked with before and others soon to be going to my old post of NATO in Brussels; and once again, I have met people that I do not know who have assisted me greatly in navigating my new environment, as well as offered their perspectives on the state of the mission, management and policy emphasis.

In a few days I will make my way to Kirkuk in Northern Iraq.  I have no doubt it will be yet even more different than Baghdad.

I Wanna Be a Race Car Driver

There are several weeks of training required by State to ensure we know what we are getting ourselves into, and to prepare us to function well in the environment of Iraq that can be, at the least, unpredictable.

One class is called the FACT course, but we call it Crash Bang because it is full immersion (in the field) training with fast cars and guns.  I am a registered gun owner so I'm not unfamiliar with weapons, though some of my colleagues have never held or fired a weapon.   Shooting an AK47 was certainly a treat.

Another intensive training session was battlefield first aid where your first concern is to ensure open airways and prevention of bleeding out in a matter of minutes.  Our instructor had to repeatedly remind us that our goal was not to care for the wounded but simply to get them stable enough that they could wait for a medic.  His oft repeated phrase was that there were just some things that are so devastating to the human body that even if it happened next to "bright lights and cold steel" there would be nothing to be done for them.  This training came complete with a battleground simulation with bombs exploding and hysterical wounded (my debut acting, lol).

We were sent out into the community while being surveilled by an unknown group targeting us for attack.  Our job was to spot the people and see the attack coming.  Our group was "blown up."  When our attackers blocked us in a narrow alleyway, a civilian completely unaware of the exercise got caught up in our convoy and stopped.  She was raging about being stuck, having no idea that everyone in the cars surrounding her were all in on the joke.

But THE most fun I had all week was driving on the race track in Crown Victorias taking curves without touching the brakes, sliding the car sideways and keeping it under control in extreme conditions.  We took the cars at a high rate of speed weaving between cones, avoiding imaginary IED's and stopping in the shortest distance possible without skidding or locking up the brakes.  We learned to spot dangerous situations and to make the decision to either ram the vehicle blocking your path or "reverse out," meaning to drive in reverse for as long as it takes to "get off the X" (remove yourself from the danger zone).  One exercise was simply to drive in reverse for over a half a mile, weave through a serpentine and turn the car around a quickly as possible to drive away.  The turn we practiced was a Y-turn, but my instructor said I was very close to making it a J-turn.  That is the one that you see on the movies where the vehicle is turned around without hitting the brakes or stopping, you simply sling it around and stay on the gas pedal.

That kept my adrenaline running for a long time, but it got EVEN better...I got to do the same stuff in an MRAP, a fully armored Humvee!

My final exam was to drive the track and go past several possible dangers and to respond quickly and appropriately.  I was shot at (not really) and bombed (not really) and I even got to ram a car - twice!  I had so very much fun that I would LOVE to spend more time racing around the track, sliding the car around curves and reversing out.  If this line of work doesn't work out, I wanna be a race car driver!

Leaks of U.S. Classified Information

Recent leaks of classified information offend me deeply as an American citizen, and as someone who has pledged to protect my country, it angers me.  Every single person who has access to classified information has stood before God and taken the Oath of Office:
I do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.

Obviously, somebody, somewhere has broken that oath.  Of course, I am a thinking person.  I do not blindly do what someone else tells me to do, but I also realize that governing our nation is a group effort, a team effort where each of us should strive to follow the ideals laid out in our Constitution and Bill of Rights.

We have all witnessed the fallout from the wiki-leaks mess created by Bradley Manning and can sense there is additional push back from our partners in foreign affairs who question whether or not we can be trusted.  

I have not been privy to any of the information released to the media by this/these criminals, was not even aware of some of it.  I think that most of the American public do not even realize just how big of a wrong has been done to them.  They seem to think that actions taken by Nixon years ago worse than this.  Not that I would defend those actions, but there must be perspective.

It sincerely disappoints me that we as a nation have come to a place where we fully expect our leaders to do this stuff.  Back in the 60's such a leak would have been considered high treason, now we just brush it off as partisan games.
  
Americans who dedicate themselves to defending our country every single day do not deserve to have their work exposed, nor do the citizens of our nation.  I hope the leaker(s) are found and fully prosecuted.

Hamdu Lillah

Oh, my dear reader, how I have neglected thee!  But I'm back and I'm pumped!!  Hamdu lillah! (hom dilly la) meaning "Praise to God."  It is one of my favorite Arabic words, its just such a happy little word, much like serendipity.

I am back in DC for training for my next assignment:  Iraq.  I'm actually heading out to one of the three Consulates, not the main Embassy in Baghdad.  I quite think the bureaucracy there might actually kill me.

I spent the day learning Iraqi history, cultural norms and basic language skills.  I see there is a great depth of history and culture...and I'm just excited!

Strange way to meet your new boss - via introductions in a classroom.  I realized about half way through the student's introductions that my new boss was sitting right behind me!!!  Oh horror!! I was sitting with my feet under me in the chair and my shoes off....oh no!  He has seen my toes!!!!  LOL, I don't know why, but that was my first thought. :)

Coming back to DC for training is a lot more fun than coming here for the first time...it is much like coming home.  You see friends and colleagues everywhere.

I have a few more weeks of training and I'm sure it will be enlightening.  This after some serious downtime and personal time with those closest to me.  I spent a week at the beach, just to catch up on my own sleep and list of stuff to do.  Then a day or so visiting a friend who is fighting for his life - all my very best to him and his family, always in my thoughts.  The fun highlight of my vacation was a week plus with my brother and his family on a trip to the Grand Canyon, Sedona, Historic Route 66 and to Las Vegas.  Taking this trip cut down on the amount of time I could spend in my hometown and visit friends, though I did manage to see several, but I so enjoyed spending this time with my family.  It was/is immensely precious to me.

I'm excited again about the future and look forward to sharing with you the experience of heading out into the diplomatic field.  I am looking forward to the challenges I know I will encounter and the opportunities to succeed.

Thank you for sharing my adventure, Shukran (shoe Kran, means thank you).

Worst Car Rental Ever - Fox Rent A Car, Las Vegas

This was an experience worthy of sharing with my fellow travelers.  I booked a car online from Fox Rent A Car that operates in the region of Las Vegas - Los Angeles - Phoenix.  The price was lower and it felt like a great deal, but they were more trouble than they were worth.

If you will notice the sign in the middle of the picture...it says "line starts here."  Funny thing is that was the middle of the line.  Everyone in line had reservations and it took us 1 hour and 20 minutes to check in and get a car.

Tired, hot and impatient we still waited our turn and were pleasant to the guy at the counter.  Amazingly he wanted to chit chat with us about his trip to our home city.  I mean how long does it really take to get ID, pay, sign a few standard papers and leave the counter?!?

Then, we go outside in the sun to WAIT again.  No one ever brought the vehicle to us, they instead waved their hand out to the lot and said there it is, keys are in it.  When we walked out to the lot there were 3 vans and none of us knew which one.

The worst part of all this is that they seemed oblivious to their terrible customer service.

Cooking Dinner

Well, it is that time again.  Time to pick up stakes and head off for another unknown.  Time to clean out the closets and leave friends behind.  It has been a perfect brisk spring day.  The windows are open.  I'm listening to good music and cooking one of our favorite dinners.  Finn Sisu and I used to have our best conversations in the kitchen cooking together at the end of the day. Tonight I was hit by a wave of deep sorrow.  He was supposed to be here for this.  The prime of our lives.

I have an uncle who passed about a year after Finn Sisu.  His only daughter often posts on her Facebook page how much she misses him and adored him.  I don't feel I have the same freedom to express my feelings.  I think a child's grief over losing a parent is so much more acceptable and understandable to society, than that of a woman who loses her life's partner.  A widow's pain makes other people uncomfortable, especially when her peers are just getting their kids to move out of the house.

It was a dilemma I faced when I first arrived.  Are you single or are you married?  What to tell people who ask all about who you are?  Do you tell them everything?  That can be entirely too heavy for new acquaintances, but I am not whole without him so how is it possible to not mention him?  I think I balanced it as well as I could have.  Those who are only acquaintances have made their own assumption that I am divorced, but those who know me well know how very much he means to me.  I tell them stories all the time.

My closest colleague and friend here probably knows more than anyone how much I love him and miss him.  She said she's heard so much about him that she thinks she knows him.  I know for a fact he would have loved her and her beautiful son.

So tonight, as I cry because I miss him so badly and have such sorrow for the adventures he will miss out on, I take comfort in knowing that I have honored him by living as he would have wanted me to; that others who never met him appreciate him, his humor and his outlook on life because I will never stop talking about him. 

He truly was an amazing man. Those who knew him are better for it...and those who never met him - well, they will know they have really missed out on something great.

Miserable Belgians

I really do try to only post positive things, but the truth sometimes needs to be told.  The truth is that Belgians (as a general group) are miserable people.  They live everyday showing open disdain for those around them, they rarely smile and frankly, they are unattractive.

The last one is a result of poor skin care, lots of outdoor walking in a polluted city and the frowns that inevitably become permanent due to lack of smiling.  I have been told they do not like Americans because as a group we smile too much.  They distrust the expression because they don't see how it could be sincere.  Many Belgians have hunched backs from years of poor posture.

Very seldom do Belgians speak a kind word to anyone outside their accepted group of friends - which of course, makes it nearly impossible to make new friends.  Even some dog loving people (who are usually very friendly) refuse to say good evening when met in the park.  As a general rule they don't speak to strangers; EXCEPT when you have committed a faux pas against society's rules.  In this case, Belgians have no qualms about immediately calling out a stranger and publicly excoriating them.

Just such happened to me last night.  I entered a parking lot and took the first parking spot directly in front of me.  A woman who had gone around the row of cars to enter from the other side immediately started yelling at me in French.  The fact that I had no intention of offending her, or "stealing her spot" in a public parking area were of no consequence. She followed me into the store and further harassed me in the aisles.  I did not see class in her actions.

This type of behavior is very common, happens nearly everyday.  As I don't read or speak the language fluently there are many opportunities for me to offend.  Since I do not have native Belgian friends to help me learn the unwritten rules of society, I offend everyday.  And it is not big things, but it is everything!  The general public here fully expects every person to behave identically.  Anyone not fitting in properly will suffer.

I have enough experience to realize that the negative responses I receive have little to do with me personally and are more a reflection on this society.  Doesn't make living among them any more enjoyable.